


Levi x Reader: To Patch a Flower Garden

by SmexyLeviLover



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 05:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2720840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmexyLeviLover/pseuds/SmexyLeviLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have exams from Dec. 4 to Dec. 17 and won't be able to update until they're over, but I promise to be back soon ;) So this is a oneshot that's very personal to me. :) Please read below:</p><p>Ah, I have quite a few things to say about this fanfiction. But the first is that I want to dedicate this to my friend xXxAstralLunaxXx and to anyone else who has ever been told: It was your fault. You're not worth the investment of my emotions. You're not pretty enough to love. You're too fat to be with. </p><p>Because you are all so much more than an "investment." You are beautiful people, each with an individuality that can't be compared to anyone else. And I hope that one day, you find the strength to fight for your happiness, so that in the end, no matter how this turns out, you can thank your heart for not giving up and thank the people who stuck by you through it all. </p><p>The song that inspired the feels: "So cold" by Ben Cocks and the amv that gave me major feels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qRnT8FzcfM</p>
            </blockquote>





	Levi x Reader: To Patch a Flower Garden

by SmexyLeviLover

It's nearly impossible to describe what it means to be broken from the inside, so the best comparison would probably be an image.

Imagine. All children on this earth are born with a garden to tend to. It usually starts off as just a plain and simple patch of grass and a single potted flower that sits off to the side. Not knowing any better, our small, childish fingers dig through the dirt, speckles getting stuck under finger nails and grime covering our hands up to our elbows. Our navy blue overalls are drenched in warm, salty sweat that drips down our necks, but what do we care as children? We're young. We're full of life, just like our miniature garden, and with love and care, laughter and energy, we let our garden grow. That small bud we planted blossoms into yellow daffodils, purple azaleas, pink roses, white gardenias. Our garden fills with a rainbow of flora, each and every flower representing the small pieces of happiness in our lives. With care and nurture, we treat these flowers gently. Pink and polka-dotted ribbons are tied around their thin, feminine stems while bow-ties are deemed appropriate for the more masculine breeds. In the middle of it all, we twist and turn and spin as the flowers mimic these exercises in the wind. Our garden is so loved that even the elegant butterflies that shower sparkles with every beat of their translucent wings have honored us with their presence.

We dance. We play. We smile. We laugh. We cry when a flower withers, but a hundred more take its place. Alas, it's a sign of growth, maturity, but we never forget the individual flowers, the small bouts of happiness that each symbolizes.

Our garden is small, but how could we know that if we only started with a flower in a pot?

Suddenly, love changes the scenery. The sun above us grows brighter, its rays extending soft hues over the many colors of our land. The clouds dilate and drizzle soft pellets of water onto the landscape. And before anyone realizes it, our small garden has turned into a meadow.

Now we know.

You watch your garden grow. Those pink roses develop into a luscious, satin red. Petals form a flower crown on your pretty little head. It's hard to even imagine how you only started out with a potted flower, and thus, you lose a little bit of yourself in blind love. Naive, you invite the mister over to your garden, tumble in the grass together, find a four-leafed clover and make a wish upon the stars to be together forever.

Everything seems perfect until a storm hits.

One thing leads to another. Hateful, biting words. He stomps mercilessly on every poor, defenseless flower in your garden as he tells you,

You were a bad girlfriend.

_Please don't go._

It was your fault.

_I can change._

I can't do this anymore.

_I love you._

I never loved you.

There's nothing more to say, nothing that can repair the damage. Your heart bleeds every bit of happiness you've ever had, every dream you've ever believed in, every tiny glimmer of hope you've ever held onto. This garden doesn't feel like it's your own anymore. Your sky is so bleak, so dark. The colors have drained from any flowers that survived, and the rose thorns invade your garden like snakes. Black dahlias appear one by one, marking every unforgiving territory in your heart.

You stare at the mass destruction before you. It's mortifying how something so pure and beautiful could have morphed into something so hideous. As tears stream down your face, you lower your chin and see one tiny blossom. It looks like that same blossom you first planted but is a lifeless grey instead of a sparkling, baby pink. Tears splatter over the tiny bud, and you fall hopelessly on your knees near its stem. You cry your heart out, sobs muffled by the dirt.

It's hard to pick yourself back up.

Your heart isn't the same. The gears don't sound like they should; a blissful tune has turned into a cranking, rusting noise that makes your ears throb. The red organ is still beating though. And so you try, try again. You nurture that small flower with water pales in hand and a small heater set on the dirt. The bud regains its color in a few months, blossoms in a few more. Its friends join in too. Your garden is still so small, so much smaller than that meadow.

But it's alive. You're alive.

And you're blessed with another chance to find love again, but you've become more vigilant. You only revealed yourself to Levi in parts, never allowing him to see the extent of your garden. Fortunately, he hadn't made any complaint about it. You thought you were capable of change eventually, that you would one day be able to fully extend your arms and bring him into your small but humble world, but as months passed by, those promises grew so old that they withered to dust.

The situation had turned tense, a volcano waiting to explode, and today, it finally did.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why don't you ever tell me?" Levi shouted at you. He had found you crying by yourself on the couch for the 5th time this past week and once again, had received no answer or explanation. Thoughts plagued and toyed with his mind. Was it his fault? Was he doing something wrong? To see you curled up on that couch, sobbing to the point of coughing fits, it felt like his heart was being twisted inside his chest. He felt so useless.  

"What does it matter? You'll never be able to help me anyways!" you screamed back, tears drenching the pillow hugged to your chest. How could anything change you anymore? You had chained your garden up for good and threw the key into a depthless ocean, never to be found again. It was an irreparable mistake, but nothing could be changed. You would, now and forever, never be able to truly share yourself with another person. You had lost trust and faith in people, in yourself. You believed that nothing you did would ever be good enough for Levi, for anyone. You felt horrible and undeserving of his emotions. Someone as disgusting as you, someone as tainted and twisted and unforgiving as you, how stupid had you been to truly believe that you could love again?

Levi breathed deeply and raked his hair, fingers digging tensely into his scalp. It broke him so much to see you like this. When you had decided to be with him despite his vile and repulsive past, Levi made a promise to himself to stay by your side and protect you forever. You were his light in times of darkness, the only person whose smile could wake him from an eternal sleep. He needed you so much more than you would ever know, so why couldn't you rely on him? "Look ______, I don't understand. We've been in this damn relationship for months now. I..." Levi inhaled sharply, stressed fists clenching. "I love you. And I hate seeing you like this. I've trusted you with everything about my past, and I want to see you get better. If you love me, why can't you trust me?"

Your teeth grit hard against each other. Trust. Love. These were things that you always believed were fucked up in you. You were able to love, sort of. You were able to trust, sort of. But you'd never be able to give yourself away to someone completely, not again.

Burning words left your tongue. "Maybe I never loved you," you responded hatefully. It was true after all. Someone as broken as yourself wasn't capable of something as frilly and pink and happy as love.

Ah. Levi opened his mouth to say something, but what was left to say? Nothing. He turned away and walked out of your apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

New tears rose to your eyes. You had muttered something so unforgivable, so unforgettable. There was no way Levi would ever want you back. But you said those words on purpose. Levi didn't deserve someone like you, someone who was as broken and torn as a rag doll. He was much better off with someone else, right? Someone who could hold his hand and show him their meadow of happiness, rather than your tiny, little patch of daisies.

So then why were you crying? Why did your chest feel like it was being squeezed together? Why was your throat constricting? Why was it so hard to breathe? Memories of the time you and Levi spent together flashed through your mind.

_"You should have told me you were sick, you brat," Levi said as he blew on a soup spoon and brought the utensil to your pink lips._

_"I'm...sorry," you replied hesitantly, sure that Levi was bound to hate you for not telling him. You could barely look him in the eye, and your lips only tightened._

_Levi sighed and placed the soup bowl down. You turned to face him curiously but suddenly felt rough, warm lips press against yours. In surprise, you opened your mouth just as a steaming hot spoon replaced his lips. Salty, chicken soup was mercilessly dumped down your throat._

_"Ouch! That was too hot, Levi!" you scolded him as you rubbed your lips and squeezed your cheeks together._

_Levi simply returned a satisfied smirk. "Serves you right."_

Was it worth it to chase after him? Was the risk of hearing that it was your fault, that you were a bad girlfriend, worth it? You hadn't given Levi your entire heart, but he held a good chunk of it in his calloused hands. With mere words, he could easily destroy your small garden the same way your ex did, except this time, you didn't know if it would even be feasible to repair it again. Just thinking back to how much time and energy it took to start over again, the days of potting and planting in the dry heat, shedding sweat and tears as you worked alone, only for no results at the end of the day....That was something you would never forget. But what about Levi? Could you forget about him, about how gently he treated you and your heart?

_"Ha, serves you right!" you laughed at your poor, sick boyfriend who was covered with blankets._

_"I'm never kissing you again," Levi muttered in a grumpy tone as he turned away from you. Even if you knew he was joking, your overly sensitive heart cracked just a tiny bit._

_"Ah, well, I'm just going to go home now. I left the soup on your stove, alright?" Faking a cheerful smile, you picked up your purse, but sudden tug on your shirt pulled you back._

_"Idiot, I was kidding. Come here," Levi said with a cough. You cautiously stepped forward and felt a strong tug pull you roughly into his bed._

_"Levi, I have work tomorrow!" you whined as you snuggled into his shoulder playfully._

_"Tch, just stay with me for a while. And get the fuck off me. You're too hot."_

_You laughed a little bit before finding a comfortable position. Slumber was quick to overtake your body, a drowsy tone setting in._

_Levi must have thought you were completely asleep otherwise he never would have said aloud,_

_"I love you."_

Come to think of it, how often had Levi ever said those words directly to you? Wasn't today the first time he had ever said "I love you" directly, instead of through what he called "crappy cards" or the sweet things he whispered when he thought you were asleep? Had you been so depressed earlier that you hadn't even noticed that it was the first time he ever said those words aloud for you to hear? Did you not see how his face completely changed when you told him that perhaps, you never loved him. The way the back of his hand covered his trembling lips, the way his body shook before he turned away and walked out of your apartment doors....had you been too selfish to notice any of that? 

Those three special words rang in your ears. Yes, love wasn't happy and pink and frilly. It was a messy feeling, an emotion that could bring you to both your highest and lowest points. But those three words...you'd walk to the end of the world to hear those three words again from Levi's lips. You needed to go after him. 

But what if he was angry now? What if he told you hurtful things, things you never wanted to hear, things that made you wish you were deaf?

_I don't know._

That's right. You didn't know, and you never would know. You could never predict what he was going to say, but you knew in your heart the exact words you wanted to tell him.

You wanted to fight. Your old, shabby, chained and rusted heart still had some spirit. How dare you be so scared to chase after him, to chase after your happiness. How could you ever know how this would turn out if you didn't even try? Was losing the love of your life worth protecting your world?

_No._

Levi didn't need to say anything to turn your garden to rubbish. It would have gone to waste anyways if you didn't share it with him. He was your sun. He was your rain. His love brought life to your vibrant garden. The flowers danced in vivid swirls of purple and pink and blue only when you were with him. Levi was your happiness, and you refused to give him up so easily. 

Nails digging into the soft couch bed, you stood up. Your eyes were set ablaze with a new determination as you heard an engine sound. He hadn't left. You could still make it. You ran faster than you had ever run in your entire life. You ran past your shoes, the door bursting open and your bare feet touching the solid concrete as you sprinted outside. It didn't matter that you were still in your night gown. It didn't matter that your hair looked like a mess. You still had so much to tell Levi, so much to share with him. You wanted him to see your small, humble garden, and together if he was willing to give you that second chance, if you could convince him to stay, the two of you would breathe a new life into your meadow.

As you ran outside, Levi noticed your figure. Eyes widened by your frazzled state, he stopped his reversing car, put it into park, and opened his door to step out. You halted a few feet away from him on the sidewalk and inhaled as he walked towards you. Your mouth was open, and your hand gripped your chest tightly. As you closed your eyes, you felt the warm rays of his presence extend over your garden, washing away the chains of self-hatred, the shackles of shame. Pure freedom. Nothing could hold you back.

_Thank you, my heart, for not giving up on me._

_Thank you, Levi, for giving me something to fight for._

Tell him.


End file.
